It means
no madcap delight will intrude
into the calm flow of my working hours
no ecstatic errors perplex
my literary pretensions.

Philip left yesterday morning. As he pulled out of the drive way, the morning sky wore strands of the palest shimmering pink pearls. I waved until he was no longer in sight, pulled my robe closer around me as there was the chill of late winter in my bones, ground vanilla hazelnut coffee and put on a fresh pot. I sat at the kitchen table and wiped away the tears while I waited for the familiar scent to fill this old house.

It means
there will be time enough for thought
undistracted by brown peril of eye
and measured litany of routine deeds
undone by the ghost of his scent.

I spent the day putting my life together again, as I always do when he leaves...so many things I leave untended so that we can spend time together. The first task to accomplish was to remove the petals one at a time from last week's roses. My house was full of roses from the Vagina Monologues. My daughter-in-law Karen was the first to arrive at the theatre with a bouquet of roses the color of sunset on the beach. She arrived to do make up for all of the girls and carried her make up case in one hand and the roses in the other. The green room is small at the local theatre where were held our production so we turned the hall way into hair and make up rooms...we were all lined up on benches...taking photos...laughing...complementing each other on appearance. I sat back and watched the friendships that had blossomed during these past weeks with my actresses. They/we had all become good friends. I wasn't the only one receiving roses, the hall began filling up with bouquets wrapped in tissue paper and tied with ribbons. Following the show, I received another dozen white roses to the roar of a standing ovation crowd. It was my shining moment....my crown of diamonds. The show was so wonderful...we had worked so hard and we pulled it off. We were brave and strong and funny and poignant. It was one of the proudest moments of my life. It was almost a sell out and we had our audience in the palm of our hands.

All of those thoughts went through my head as I pulled off each petal one at a time. I will share them and the stories with Jonah and Matthew when they are older and a granddaughter, if I should have one. I want her to become such as I.

It means
my neglect of the Sonnets will cease
and Homer come into battle once more.
I might even find turgid old Tennyson
less of a dead loss now.

Cleaning out the refrigerator was the next stop. It was still filled with leftovers from the cast party held here on the night of the show. We all stayed late to clean up and remove all traces of our pioneer spirit at the theatre.
I was the last to leave...standing dead center on the darkened stage....feeling as if I, too, had just received am Emmy or an Oscar. I took one last bow to the empty audience...picked up a fallen program as I walked out, turned out the lights and whispered good night to that which I loved and worked so hard in making a reality. The decisions were so many in the show...the reception...tickets...posters...radio shows...all held in my hands. When I finally arrived home I had to park at the neighbors, my street and drive way was full of cars...my house was full of women and their families. We drank champagne with a toast..I made the toast..."To the bravest twelve women I have ever known in my life." I looked around at them, grinning from ear to ear...all beautiful...all exceptional. We partied until after 3:00 a.m., and I don't even remember crawling into bed.

My refigerator was a reminder of the night...leftover cheese, dips, strawberries....

It means
there will be days to spare
for things important to a woman-
like learning to live without a man
without altogether losing one's mind.

I saved the library for last. It was piled high with newspapers. Every day Philip and I went out for more raiding the newspaper venues around the circle.
Every day was full of photos and editorials. On Sunday the newspaper ran a two page story on Aaron and Karen and how they have reversed roles with Aaron being a stay at home Dad. It was so affirming to read the article and see his photo...reading to Jonah..putting Matthew on the bus for Headstart...cleaning the kitchen. They have embraced the life they have chosen and their house two blocks over exudes happiness and energy. On the other days...there were photos of the show...articles..all going into my scrapbook..and all needing clipping.

It means
there is no one now to read my latest poem with veiled unhurried eyes putting my nerves on the feline rack in silence sheer he-devil hell for me.

We spent the rest of the week sharing dinners with friends and family...reading, playing scrabble...talking...I couldn't stop talking about the show...and he always listened no matter how many times I repeated the story!

In other news, my sister's son Cameron has a new little person who has come into the world. Welcome to the rainbows of life, little Riley. Keep your arms and eyes open...for the world is colorful and beautiful.

Abe and Kristin are spending two weeks in Paris, Rome and Venice. Oh, what a romantic trip that will be!

The poem tonight is written by Christy Brown, What His Absence Means from a book of Irish Love Poems.

Sunday night is here. Time to pay bills...prepare my theatre and storytelling for the week. I'll finish my work...drink the last of the wine in the glass...blow out the candles...and sleep into the holy darkness as my strewn rose petals dry across my dining room table.

Love to all,
Lou Ann